I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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