either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize