it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
