I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
