We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
