Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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