And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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