she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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