you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
