I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
