remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
