people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize