I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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