We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
