and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
