please come you make the beer taste better
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
