So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
