Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
