Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
