I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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