Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish you could order shots online.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize