Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
