Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
