benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
