hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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