? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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