I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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