girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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