the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize