Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
