I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My hand turned me down
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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