guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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