I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
