I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
