Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
