Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
