Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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