I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
