Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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