I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
