sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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