I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
