I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
only if we run a train.
done.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize