What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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