the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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