i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
