I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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