hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there's paper in my vomit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
