I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
