Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
