Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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