stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
barbara walters just said penis...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
