So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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