I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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