We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
