Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
