Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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