great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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