super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
