he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
