Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
