I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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