my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
