Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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