ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
