My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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