its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
