My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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