can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
