I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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