She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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